The Proposal That Wasn’t (Chapter 1)

Okay, so no one asked me to love February but still, the fact that I solemnly swore to detest this month kinda gets me worried at times. Am I okay? Is cynicism getting the best of me? No, that can’t be. Because love has always been my safest refuge. To some people’s utter disbelief, I’ve been the biggest ‘prem pujari’ of all, so how could I end up hating a month that’s devoted to love and love alone. Eww, that was super mushy but that is it. May be it’s not February that I hate, maybe it’s the rest of the 11 months that’s not officially dedicated to love that bugs me. May be. Sigh.

-“Good Morning Pagal”

My phone vibrated as I woke up from this super stupid trance. Duh, what was that thought even! I have an entire day, a bag of Cheetos, two new shows to watch and a wailing mom to remind me how my life is supposed to be. Prem niye matamati ta amar jonno na. Anyway, lemme reply to this moron.

-          

-     - Bol

-          - Ki bol.

-          - *Eye roll emoji* What’s so potentially good about this morning?

-         -  Aj Propose day toh. *Winks*

-          - Omg. Tai nah? Kon class e poro bacha?

-         - What even. Stop humoring me all the time.

-          - You brought that on yourself. Remember, we mutually chose to hate this month. Bhule geli? You don’t get to mention any ‘rose’, ‘slap’, propose days at all. Like at all.

-          - Huh. Char to. I know how you feel.

-          - What is that supposed to mean? What do you know?

-          - That how much you actually really love this month.

-         -  Shut up. First of all, don’t put two adjectives to emphasize. It’s creepy and redundant. And secondly, shut up. You know I’ll go out on some legit couple hunting the first chance I get.

-         -  Se orom onek sunechi. Ebar bolbi you’ll kill him too because you can’t have him.

-         -  Lol. That sounded so Dexter-y.

-         -  No seriously, dekh aj mauka bhi hai or dastur bhi. Tell him how you feel. You’ve taken this silence way too far.

-          -“Tell him”.. Bwahahaa right. And get my ass kicked out forever. Or worse, jailed. Or blocked.

-          - Nyeka. I would have by now if I were you.

-          -Ah ha. That’s like the world’s cheapest consolation line.

-          -Tar mane, you'll never try tai to.

-         - No not never, someday. One day. Not today.

-         - Baal. Yeah someday, when you’re old, wrinkled and making sweaters for your grand kids from kids who won’t be from him.

-         - Hahaha. Uff, ki dili. Dekh. Sometimes, not saying is the best way to keep on talking. It’s like we have to resist saying the thing we want the most so that we can go on talking about the things which are hardly important. But those things make the best memories. Those meaningless, clueless exchange of words that is just so much more than a mere “I love you”. And I don’t want that 3 overrated words to ruin everything.

-          - See, this is why you should just make the move. You’ve words. Not many people have that.

-        -  Na, I’ll surely ruin it. I ruin it every time.

-        -   If you’ll ruin it then it will be because you think too much. Acha ekta kotha bolto, given the chance, given a day, given the moment, won’t you go for it?

-          - I would like to think I will.

-          - Abar bere paka riddles meshano kotha. Okay hypothetically bol to, if there was no society breathing down your neck with it’s terrifying glare, no ‘log kya sochenge’, no “ a girl can’t propose’ stigma, no social anxiety, no nerd wale rules, what would you have done? What would you have said to him? What would have been your ideal proposal?

                                                               **************

                                                                                                               (To be hopefully continued)