The Proposal That Wasn’t (Chapter III)

The nausea was starting to set in. I felt like all the redness of the balloons, roses, and wardrobes were mutually conspiring to suffocate me to death. I seriously don’t know how people do it, how do they manage to have the time of their lives in parties when I can’t take this shit any longer. A minute more in this gloriously pathetic Valentine’s Day party and I’m done with my left over sanity. Seriously, why the fuck do offices have to throw V day bash for its employees? Can’t they just pay us with gift vouchers or something or just not invite the singles all together? And why the hell did I decide to come here knowing I’ll regret it anyway? Wait, A, because I still had a creepy, “mere Karan Arjun ayenge” sort of a hope that he’ll be there, looking all devastatingly beautiful, thus giving me enough hormones to last another month or so and B, because Samrat keeps teasing me how I’m a Funeral Party type of person and not meant for anything remotely normal for a girl in my age. Damn, what have I become? Honestly, I’ve never seen Mr. Crush attend an office party before and may be I’m really meant for funerals and jagarans and talking to myself.

I scanned the hall one last time, saw all the love birds, their cheesy hand-holdings, mushy dances and the decors evoking a disgusting optimism, before heading straight to the exit, when I felt a pat on my shoulder, followed by  a shriek, familiar voice.

-          “Palacho kothay Madam?”

-          “Oh, Snigdha, I’m not feeling well re. Gotta go.”

-          “Huh, khali noksha. Stay na. Have some booze at least.”

-          “Na re, not feeling like it. You know nah, this shit is not for me. Tui ar Neel enjoy kor. Cyah tomorrow okay, at work, strangely the only thing I’m good at. Bye”

-          “Umm, okay chal, won’t insist. Tata.”

-          “Hmm, tata”

 I turned and started walking as fast as I could, when I could hear her again.

-          “Puja..”

-          “Abar ki holo?”

-          “May be this shit is for you too, you know”, she chucked but I swear there was something else on her face which I couldn’t read.

-          “What, what is that supposed to mean?”

-          “Nothing, bye re.”

I didn’t greet her back again. This place is getting stranger with each passing moment. Even the universe doesn’t want me to stick here any longer.

As I walked through the long, empty corridor, away from all the frenzy of the party room, I felt an overwhelming urge to scream, to just sit right there and never move. There’s this whole world full of people out there who’s making the most of this day, making moments to last for a lifetime, and here I am, walking on this fucking deserted hotel corridor, alone, sad and scared. But not even a peep came out of my mouth. I felt like I was that 3 year old girl again, who after school, waited anxiously for her mother to come and take her home and the more she was late, the more the girl felt alone and abandoned. But at least, she knew what she was waiting for, unlike now. I could feel two lines of salinity roll down my cheeks. But I was glad that I didn’t have to bother if my eyeliner is getting smudged. There’s a strange satisfaction in crying when nobody is seeing you. I entered the empty elevator in a daze and hit the ground floor button. But only some seconds after, it stopped and I got back to my senses from this trance. I looked up to the display board and it read “Floor 3”. So there must be another soul who feels like evacuating this building as well, I thought to myself. And baam, the door opened.

There stood a frame that let a sharp chill run through my spine. Omg, is that him?? That same chiseled jawline, that signature stubble, the familiar cologne and those hypnotic eyes- not even Alzheimer’s can eliminate this person from my memory. The man, responsible for all my craziness stood right there in front of me, and I didn’t know what to do. But no, no, it can’t be. This can’t be real. I internally screamed, “Delusion” and realized I should be back on my antidepressants asap. While I stood there, frozen, the figure hurried into the elevator. I’ve never had such a vivid psychotic episode, I swear. He reached out to the elevator button slot as his right hand brushed against mine. It felt like I was being electrocuted from within. He hit the stop button midway and it just shook me. It was the kick I needed to wake up from this fancy and slowly sink to the fact that this is happening, that this man is actually standing beside me. I let out a faint squeak, when he looked right in my eyes and spoke in his usual honey-dipped, baritone voice, “It’s okay. Don’t be scared.”

Contrary to his suggestion, a deep seated scare was overshadowing my adrenaline.

I replied back with a stutter, “Wh..Why did you do that? What okay, huh?”

There was that familiar chuckle on his face, which was one of the biggest reasons for my latest addiction to Christina Perri’s songs.

- “So you couldn’t survive the party?” He uttered.

I stood there, speechless, with a strange feeling that made me want to hear him forever.

-          “So now you get it right, kano ami parties theke dure thaki”, he continued.

-          “That doesn’t explain why you stopped the elevator. We barely talk. So, this is awkward and scaring the shit out of me. I don’t get anything okay. What the fuck do you want?’

-          “I want to know you.”

-          “Wh..what?” I could barely breathe or process what he just said.

-          “I want to know the person who’ll save me the extra slice of pizza. I wanna talk nonsense with you till 3:30 am and may be watch a Chinese film together that we both won’t understand.”

I didn’t know how to explain what that feeling was. As he spoke those words, I didn’t know whether it was like I got hit by a speeding truck, or like I was being saved from getting hit. All my senses were numb, anesthetized. I felt like he was looking right into those parts of me, which I worked so hard to keep hidden.

But somehow I still managed to utter, “How.. How do you know that?”

He smiled and said, “There is someone, somewhere, who thinks so well of you and knows what to do with screenshots.”

Bloody, Samrat.

“And”, he continued, “I got Snigdha to thank as well, for keeping me updated about your arrival, and hence letting this perfect elevator timing to happen.”

I couldn’t hold it in any longer and just burst out in tears. I have orchestrated a moment like this so many times in my head, and now that this is happening for reals, I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I felt like was being betrayed by my most loyal allies- words.

It was then that he took both my hands in his and went on, “I’m together in this mess with you. Okay? So, where do we start?”

“Let’s go up, then. Let’s have our first awkward social gathering together.”

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